Insomnia
by Phoenixfire1389
Summary: One woman cannot sleep. Everyone said it was an unforeseeable tragedy, but she should have seen it coming... spoilers, tactician angst. Companion to Jealousy.


Okay, this is a companion to Jealousy. But you don't have to read that to understand what's going on here. My Tactician's name is Alexia. My tactician is female._("Conversations written like this are flashbacks. Some of them paraphrasing from the game, but some of them are conversations I made up.")_

To all of you who did read and review Jealousy… thank you! However, I have decided that it shall remain a one-shot. Several people wrote that Lyn's thoughts seemed a bit OOC in some places. Could you please tell me where? I think I know the spot, but I'm not positive…

And now, what you have all been waiting for (or not)…

Insomnia

She couldn't sleep.

She knew it was a stupid time to be depriving herself of peaceful slumber, too. She hadn't slept since Ninian had died, and the small army needed her in top form once they got to Valor. Her teacher was probably spinning in his grave. She needed to sleep. One of their magic users could probably be persuaded to use a Sleep staff on her, if necessary. But the moon over the ocean was very pretty, and everything had a peaceful silvery cast to it…

Well, that didn't have anything to do with why she was still awake. She knew she'd be sitting here on the deck of Fargus's ship mentally beating herself over the head over the events of the last few days even if it had been hailing and the ship had been bucking like a frightened stallion.

It had been impossible, said the members of Eliwood's army. Unthinkable. What a horrible thing to happen to such a nice guy.

_("Ninian. I have something I need to talk to you about privately."_

"_Um… okay. What is it, Alexia?"_

"_Look, I heard your conversation with Florina. The one about dragons."_

"_You… oh.")_

Well, she should have seen it coming. She had known what they were since that blasted trek to the Black Fang's thrice cursed fortress in the damn snowy mountains. Perhaps she had been suffering of frostbite of the brain at the time; she had certainly had it everywhere else.

_("I believe that this secret is yours to keep, but as the group tactician there are things I need to know to ensure the safety of my employers. Will you answer my questions, Ninian?"_

"_Y-yes.")_

Her eyes, so sharp when it came to details of the terrain and the enemy's weapons, had missed it. She should have _known _Negral would strike at Eliwood's heart. She should have foreseen it. _And it's exactly what I would have advised, had I been in Negral's service instead of Eliwood's. _

Furthermore, why had Negral _winked _at Lyn? Had he guessed that the lady lord was in love with Eliwood? Probably, if he had figured out Eliwood and Ninian being together. But he didn't know _her_ secrets. He couldn't possibly know… no one recognized her from her past, even the people she had once worked with...

Of her many secrets, she truly believed her mindset as a tactician was one of the worst. She looked at most of the army as chess pieces, really. Living, breathing chess pieces. Tools. Because if she didn't view them that way, she would probably have a nervous breakdown every time someone was injured. Tools could be used and discarded once they were broken without so much as a single regret. The distance was damnably necessary.

_("So answer me this, Ninian. Can you return to you true form?"_

"_Not in this world, Alexia. Nils and I lost too much of our quintessence when we came here. We cannot survive in our dragon forms."_

"_Really. And I doubt that Negral would force the change and lose his only way to open the Dragon's Gate. Very well. That is all I needed to know. But I think that you should tell Eliwood, Ninian. I am sure that he would understand.")_

But there had been no distance for Eliwood, Lyn, and Hector. That was why she had left Lyn's service at the end of the Lundgren incident. Becoming emotionally attached to the employer was extremely bad form. It led to depression and many bottles of hard liquor should you fail and your employer be killed. That was the mistake that her mentor had made, the mistake that had been Mark's death, and the reason behind the blood that he had shed as he traveled the continent with her in tow, lending his skills to anyone who would pay so he could drown his sorrows in booze.

And, since she cared about Eliwood, she cared about Ninian. The two were inseparable in her mind. Except now they were separated forever, simply because she had kept her mouth shut.

She pulled a small vial out of her belt pouch. There was barely a mouthful, but it had been all that her teacher had left of the bottle of poison that he had downed to end his life. She knew this stuff was toxic enough that this tiny amount would be enough to kill her. Why Mark had felt it necessary to drink the whole bottle was a mystery that hadn't made sense to her until she had seen Eliwood clutching Ninian's corpse as if he could will the dragon maiden back to life.

Mark had failed. And in his mind, his employer hadn't just been his employer. She had been the woman that he loved, and knowing he had caused her death had simply been too much for the man.

"I shall not be joining you for a while longer, teacher," Alexia said out loud, pocketing the vial of poison that she had been carrying around for five years. "My 'special people' are still alive. And they will stay that way if _I _have anything to say about it." After all, she still had to atone for Mark's sins, did she not? There had been many opportunities when she had had a chance to stop him, and she never had.

But maybe, after Negral was gone…

_("The only reward for failure… is death…"_

"_What's this? Poison?"_

"_He took his own life. Milady Lyndis, these are no ordinary brigands we are dealing with.")_

Well, when she was no longer needed… then they would see. That little bottle wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

Wow, was that ever dark. I'm thinking of doing one more oneshot – Despair, from Eliwood's perspective, which will take place during the last two chapters and then a multi-chapter fic, Diary, from Hector's perspective, which will take place post-game and wrap up all the loose ends. However, in order to do the two of those, I need to go back and beat Hector and Eliwood's stories AGAIN, because the last chapters are sort of fuzzy in my memory. Oh, and I still need to decide who I want Hector to be paired with. So, do you want Hector to pick up the broken pieces of Lyn's heart, or should I stick him with Florina? Please tell me! 


End file.
